LJ Book - a window into the past.
Sunday, 30 March 2008 18:35![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fatrockstarI recently decided to use LJ Book to archive my blog all the way back to the massive-deletion I did back in 2003. At the time my husband had dropped a bomb on me and I was devastated on top of devastation. I understand why I did it.
Checking the PDF to make sure it got everything was eye-opening. Garret had been a jerk to me since we got married, and I've been naive for the last five or so years. I should have left earlier. I honestly thought we could make it work. I wrongly assumed he possessed the same level of maturity I did, and I suffered.
As much as I like having fun, dancing, going out, and fucking off, I also like being a grownup. Accepting the responsibility of someone else's trust in you doesn't make you a dork. That's how I saw marriage -- a situation where you mutually accept the responsibility of someone else's trust. It's part of adulthood, and it's huge. I am trustworthy. I would marry again. I'd just be more careful next time.
I don't have to wear Mom Jeans to be a grownup. I don't have to turn into my parents to be a grownup. I am an adult on my own terms, and those terms include being honest, respectful, and responsible. Believe it or not, it IS possible to have fun while doing this. My dad is a curmudgeon because he wants to be. My mother was bitter because she wanted to be. Your parents are square because they want to be.
I know who I am. I don't know what I want. It seems a lot easier to know what I don't want. Avoidance takes less effort than pursuit.
I'm not sure where I'm going with this.
Meh.
Checking the PDF to make sure it got everything was eye-opening. Garret had been a jerk to me since we got married, and I've been naive for the last five or so years. I should have left earlier. I honestly thought we could make it work. I wrongly assumed he possessed the same level of maturity I did, and I suffered.
As much as I like having fun, dancing, going out, and fucking off, I also like being a grownup. Accepting the responsibility of someone else's trust in you doesn't make you a dork. That's how I saw marriage -- a situation where you mutually accept the responsibility of someone else's trust. It's part of adulthood, and it's huge. I am trustworthy. I would marry again. I'd just be more careful next time.
I don't have to wear Mom Jeans to be a grownup. I don't have to turn into my parents to be a grownup. I am an adult on my own terms, and those terms include being honest, respectful, and responsible. Believe it or not, it IS possible to have fun while doing this. My dad is a curmudgeon because he wants to be. My mother was bitter because she wanted to be. Your parents are square because they want to be.
I know who I am. I don't know what I want. It seems a lot easier to know what I don't want. Avoidance takes less effort than pursuit.
I'm not sure where I'm going with this.
Meh.
