Band Drama: resolution
Tuesday, 12 December 2006 22:30![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fatrockstarLast week I was agonizing over an email exchange between myself and Ethan. It was a very difficult time for me, because it felt like a breakup -- something I haven't been through in ages and ages. I honestly thought I was going to lose my band, my closest friends, because of something I said without thinking.
Recap: Ethan listened to the demo tracks at home and heard something he didn't like. To him there were things that needed remastering. He sent out an email demanding that we listen to the demo on as many systems as we could and send him our feedback immediately. There was very little explanation for this. Laurel called me the morning she read this email. I was still somewhat asleep when I talked to her and interpreted her concern as something bigger than it probably was. Bleary-eyed and groggy I stumbled to my computer and wrote Ethan a scathing response. He replied in kind, and backed up his irritation with a bitchy IM telling me to never, under any circumstances, write shit like that to him again. I got another phone call from Laurel after that, this time I could tell the whole thing was getting out-of-hand. I assumed the blame and text messaged an apology to Ethan, who accepted (for the most part). He assured Laurel and myself, separately, that things would work out. I wasn't so sure.
So I grieved a bit, then called Ethan to arrange a time to have drinks or coffee so we could talk this out. Enough time had passed that we could talk to each other comfortably and plans were made. We met at a local bar and had happy hour snacks, cocktails, and coffee, while talking about what the fuck just happened.
His explanation? "Email-itis." Not sure what that meant and not sure I cared, so I asked for an explanation (which I promptly forgot). After asking many pointed, specific questions, I got my real answers. Most of the miscommunications were driven by panic over unrelated things, the rest were driven by his tendency to "shoot from the hip" and "get to the point." Getting to the point means actually making a point: You can't make a point if all you deliver is the fucking punch line. While the thoughts in his head were "this mastering is not good enough to submit to BMI, copyright, or a marketing firm, so we'd better clean it up some more," all we heard was "DO THIS. NOW. DO NOT PASS GO. DO NOT COLLECT $200."
As the evening went on we talked more about what goes on in his head, especially the long-ass email he sent along telling us in a nutshell that he is the self-appointed band manager and felt that our band business relationships were pretty much his doing. I chose to not take that feeling too seriously. We develop relationships as a team, always have. The only person I can think of that we didn't do that with is Dave at The Workshop.
The meeting was a success, though, meaning a number of my concerns were addressed and my fears put to rest. He apologized for his own behavior and I offered to make changes of my own (like "no answering email before I'm awake" for example). It was strange to see him and have the two of us fall into our regular flirty patterns like nothing had happened. I welcomed that. It was the reassurance I needed that we'd continue to be The TroubleFakers for a long while.
He suggested we play a little joke on Ed & Laurel and I agreed, but when the time came neither of us could keep a straight face. The rehearsal went well. I was sad to not have the group do our standard post-rehearsal meeting at The Pumphouse, but it was Sunday, things were still a little odd, it's the holidays, bla bla bla.. We all promised to go "next time."
...And that's the story.
Recap: Ethan listened to the demo tracks at home and heard something he didn't like. To him there were things that needed remastering. He sent out an email demanding that we listen to the demo on as many systems as we could and send him our feedback immediately. There was very little explanation for this. Laurel called me the morning she read this email. I was still somewhat asleep when I talked to her and interpreted her concern as something bigger than it probably was. Bleary-eyed and groggy I stumbled to my computer and wrote Ethan a scathing response. He replied in kind, and backed up his irritation with a bitchy IM telling me to never, under any circumstances, write shit like that to him again. I got another phone call from Laurel after that, this time I could tell the whole thing was getting out-of-hand. I assumed the blame and text messaged an apology to Ethan, who accepted (for the most part). He assured Laurel and myself, separately, that things would work out. I wasn't so sure.
So I grieved a bit, then called Ethan to arrange a time to have drinks or coffee so we could talk this out. Enough time had passed that we could talk to each other comfortably and plans were made. We met at a local bar and had happy hour snacks, cocktails, and coffee, while talking about what the fuck just happened.
His explanation? "Email-itis." Not sure what that meant and not sure I cared, so I asked for an explanation (which I promptly forgot). After asking many pointed, specific questions, I got my real answers. Most of the miscommunications were driven by panic over unrelated things, the rest were driven by his tendency to "shoot from the hip" and "get to the point." Getting to the point means actually making a point: You can't make a point if all you deliver is the fucking punch line. While the thoughts in his head were "this mastering is not good enough to submit to BMI, copyright, or a marketing firm, so we'd better clean it up some more," all we heard was "DO THIS. NOW. DO NOT PASS GO. DO NOT COLLECT $200."
As the evening went on we talked more about what goes on in his head, especially the long-ass email he sent along telling us in a nutshell that he is the self-appointed band manager and felt that our band business relationships were pretty much his doing. I chose to not take that feeling too seriously. We develop relationships as a team, always have. The only person I can think of that we didn't do that with is Dave at The Workshop.
The meeting was a success, though, meaning a number of my concerns were addressed and my fears put to rest. He apologized for his own behavior and I offered to make changes of my own (like "no answering email before I'm awake" for example). It was strange to see him and have the two of us fall into our regular flirty patterns like nothing had happened. I welcomed that. It was the reassurance I needed that we'd continue to be The TroubleFakers for a long while.
He suggested we play a little joke on Ed & Laurel and I agreed, but when the time came neither of us could keep a straight face. The rehearsal went well. I was sad to not have the group do our standard post-rehearsal meeting at The Pumphouse, but it was Sunday, things were still a little odd, it's the holidays, bla bla bla.. We all promised to go "next time."
...And that's the story.
