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Maybe this is the year it happens
Wednesday, 16 September 2009 00:02After my post declaring to the world I am not really divorced, I screwed up the courage to pay Garret a visit at his office. I took too long and missed him -- he is no longer in that office OR at the company, so my chance was lost.
I probably should have made contact a long time ago but didn't. Why would I want to? This is the guy who could have ended our marriage amicably and with very little fanfare like we'd both agreed to do, but decided to employ an ugly exit strategy instead. There wasn't anything pleasant I wanted to say to him and plenty of unpleasant things. Time is of the essence, though, so I sent an email.
I wrote that fucking email fifteen times. It went from ten paragraphs to ten words to ten sentences, until I finally put everything I wanted to say into about three and a half paragraphs: Sorry I missed you, we are not divorced, I cannot afford to re-file, please re-file in Lincoln County.
Have a nice life, good-bye.
I didn't expect to hear back from him, but I did a few hours later. Nothing lengthy or ugly. He sent acknowledgment of my request and let me know he had begun the process with the mediator last week. I don't have to worry about any fees, he'll take care of that. We have a mutual acquaintance that can relay any paperwork. It was extremely anticlimactic, but in a good way. I really didn't want to hear about what his life is like now, or read a mock-friendly tone in his reply. Facts are good. Simple is good.
Even though he's been gone long enough for me to get through my grief, I'm feeling the pain return a little. It's not about missing him, it's about being treated like I don't matter and taken away from a family I loved dearly. It's about the uncertainty and loneliness when you've made a commitment and the other person hasn't. I would rather put that behind me instead of be reminded of it, and now I'm wishing it had been done immediately instead of lazily. Considering the person in question, that's a lot to ask.
It will be over soon, though. That much I can look forward to.
I probably should have made contact a long time ago but didn't. Why would I want to? This is the guy who could have ended our marriage amicably and with very little fanfare like we'd both agreed to do, but decided to employ an ugly exit strategy instead. There wasn't anything pleasant I wanted to say to him and plenty of unpleasant things. Time is of the essence, though, so I sent an email.
I wrote that fucking email fifteen times. It went from ten paragraphs to ten words to ten sentences, until I finally put everything I wanted to say into about three and a half paragraphs: Sorry I missed you, we are not divorced, I cannot afford to re-file, please re-file in Lincoln County.
Have a nice life, good-bye.
I didn't expect to hear back from him, but I did a few hours later. Nothing lengthy or ugly. He sent acknowledgment of my request and let me know he had begun the process with the mediator last week. I don't have to worry about any fees, he'll take care of that. We have a mutual acquaintance that can relay any paperwork. It was extremely anticlimactic, but in a good way. I really didn't want to hear about what his life is like now, or read a mock-friendly tone in his reply. Facts are good. Simple is good.
Even though he's been gone long enough for me to get through my grief, I'm feeling the pain return a little. It's not about missing him, it's about being treated like I don't matter and taken away from a family I loved dearly. It's about the uncertainty and loneliness when you've made a commitment and the other person hasn't. I would rather put that behind me instead of be reminded of it, and now I'm wishing it had been done immediately instead of lazily. Considering the person in question, that's a lot to ask.
It will be over soon, though. That much I can look forward to.
