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[public] This Christmas
Saturday, 24 November 2007 13:55As an adult I grew to despise Christmas. I couldn't spend it with my mother, my dad has always ruined and continues to ruin holidays for me in one way or another, and traveling is such a huge pain in the ass I would rather stay home than put myself in a situation that creates stressful, unpleasant memories. Christmas was always a children's holiday anyway. I liked celebrating a lot better when I was a kid. As an adult... I'd rather escape.
Along comes Garret -- Garret LOVES Christmas, and eventually I discover why. His family goes all out for Christmas. Every Christmas Eve the dozen or so members of his family gather, eat, exchange presents, and everyone makes out like a bandit. I was stunned at the volume of gift-giving my first one with my in-laws. Garret's memories and traditions were full of fun things like cutting down your own Christmas tree, eggnog, and decorating. I had never done any of this, not even as a child. Eventually he got to me, and I enjoyed the holiday traditions with only one exception.
This year I have very little to look forward to. I didn't realize it until Colleen and I went to the Fred Meyer and walked through the holiday aisles at decorations and candy. I remembered a recent conversation with someone about gingerbread houses and started looking for the Lindt Santa and reindeer sets because they sell out early. I found them. Next to them were the full-size hollow Santa Clauses and golden reindeer. It stirred a memory. I found myself starting to cry in the middle of the grocery store. Colleen gave me a hug and a comforting thought. I bought a reindeer and a snowman and left the department quickly.
I finally realized the one thing Garret actually worked on during our marriage: Christmas. The first couple we had together were disappointing, but they were saved by the generosity and warmth of his family. Eventually he showed me that there was indeed generosity and warmth in his own heart. I only wish it had come out more often than once a year.
This Christmas comes with the sadness of losing Garret's enthusiasm for the holiday. Hope springs eternal, though. My hope is that by this time next year I will have more to look forward to than loot, decorations, and shopping. A lot more.
Along comes Garret -- Garret LOVES Christmas, and eventually I discover why. His family goes all out for Christmas. Every Christmas Eve the dozen or so members of his family gather, eat, exchange presents, and everyone makes out like a bandit. I was stunned at the volume of gift-giving my first one with my in-laws. Garret's memories and traditions were full of fun things like cutting down your own Christmas tree, eggnog, and decorating. I had never done any of this, not even as a child. Eventually he got to me, and I enjoyed the holiday traditions with only one exception.
This year I have very little to look forward to. I didn't realize it until Colleen and I went to the Fred Meyer and walked through the holiday aisles at decorations and candy. I remembered a recent conversation with someone about gingerbread houses and started looking for the Lindt Santa and reindeer sets because they sell out early. I found them. Next to them were the full-size hollow Santa Clauses and golden reindeer. It stirred a memory. I found myself starting to cry in the middle of the grocery store. Colleen gave me a hug and a comforting thought. I bought a reindeer and a snowman and left the department quickly.
I finally realized the one thing Garret actually worked on during our marriage: Christmas. The first couple we had together were disappointing, but they were saved by the generosity and warmth of his family. Eventually he showed me that there was indeed generosity and warmth in his own heart. I only wish it had come out more often than once a year.
This Christmas comes with the sadness of losing Garret's enthusiasm for the holiday. Hope springs eternal, though. My hope is that by this time next year I will have more to look forward to than loot, decorations, and shopping. A lot more.
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