Eating.

I get bored with food easily.  I have a handful of things I know how to prepare at home, and a handful of dishes I'm comfortable with when I go out to eat.  I'm a pretty picky eater.  My obsession with my weight makes it hard for me to try new foods.  My idea of trying something new is going to a different restaurant to eat their version of a favorite dish.

So what do I cook at home? For the hell of it, here's a list:

• Chicken Caesar
• Fish Tacos
• Greek Salad
• Chicken Enchiladas
• Stir-Fry (one with chicken, one with potstickers)
• This great chicken/swiss dish made with cream-of-mushroom soup and Stove Top
• Chicken Cordon Bleu
• Chicken Parmesan

Gosh, that's a lot more than I anticipated... although I must admit those last three don't reach the dinner table very often.  Probably because they're more work than I have energy for during the week, and by the weekend I really don't feel like cooking.

Weight management doesn't come from eating what other people prepare or package for you, it comes from eating what you carefully select and prepare yourself.  I learned this the hard way.  I think my peak weight was 235 back in '99.  I hit my adult low of 196 last year -- which was pretty fucking awesome -- but a certain office drama shot me back up to 215.  I've been hovering between 204 and 209 ever since.  Why did I reach 196?  I wanted to.  I worked hard for it.  It wasn't easy by any means, but it was worth every temper tantrum I threw in my car on the way to the gym because I didn't want to go (but had to), and every meal I had to skip because it was too close to bedtime by the time I thought of dinner.

My biggest obstacle is my husband, who doesn't want to diet or exercise.  He's shit outta luck, though, because he also doesn't want to grocery shop.  He's at my mercy there.  He'll tell me I'm beautiful and that he's proud of my progress, and later gripe about how godawful Trent Reznor looks with muscles.  I get a lot of mixed messages from him.  He would benefit from doing what I do, but he's stubborn.  I think he knows that some things simply have to be done, he just doesn't want to grow up and accept it.  But that's neither here nor there.  This is about me and what I do for myself.

Tonight I had a huge fish taco (tortilla, lettuce, red onion, beer-battered halibut filets from Costco, 2% cheddar, light dill sour cream, salsa) and a prepackaged bowtie pasta salad.  It was pretty good, so I overdid it.  So much for self-control.  I have to figure out what to eat that's small enough it doesn't interfere with my evening workout, but big enough that I don't eat my kitchen once I get home.  I'm still fine-tuning everything.