fatrockstar: (band)
If you can make it to this show, please do. Not because it will be a great show or anything, but because I need you to. Donnie will not magically appear in time to play the show and I do not expect him to, so we will be playing with a last-minute stand-in. Terrence has a ginormous studio kit that may or may not fit on the stage, and we will have had two long rehearsals and a day of listening to recordings of our set list on a loop to go on. Your support is quite appreciated.

Tonight is our final rehearsal before showtime. We will go over our set with Terrence to tighten it up enough to be passable, and hope that he has been listening to the tracks we gave him. He is obviously an experienced drummer and can keep a beat, the trick will be getting him attuned to all the little visual cues we normally give Donnie during the course of a set. I think we can do it, and after Monday's practice Baz said he thought we'd be fine, too. Ron called me yesterday all worried, and then I got worried. For now I am choosing to be positive. Cross your fingers that Terrence has been listening to that disk we gave him.

That said, please come out. It is a free show at a venue with a huge menu, two bars full of liquor, and a lot of places to sit.

Big Daddy's Place, Woodinville, WA
July 15, music starts at 9, free, 21+
I play first, Ethan plays after that. We should be done before midnight, and I may sing backup on a couple of Ethan's songs. Bring some cash -- I'll be selling disks and magnets.

It's a fitness post

Wednesday, 19 May 2010 13:30
fatrockstar: (Mrs. Clean)
It's been a while since I talked about my weight management/fitness. Like most people I am on a perpetual mission to reduce my mass to a sylph-like composition of muscle and bone, and like most people I'm not terribly good at it.

Recap: A little over a year ago I was enjoying myself at a clean 190lbs. This was the lightest I'd been in years, and can be attributed to not having a lot to eat, walking and biking everywhere, and maintaining a regular (and low-stress) schedule. I started a new relationship, joined a gym, and started to change shape a bit. During this time I didn't bother looking at the scale (because they're deceptive if you're putting on muscle). My intake changed when my income and personal drama changed, and last week I weighed in at 215. I haven't been 215 since I was married. Naturally, this is upsetting.

A lot of people will look at me in disbelief when I tell them how much I weigh, but to me, this is what 215lbs looks like. I look at other people my size and I think they weigh more than they really do. Maybe they're just being nice, but at a size 16US, I feel like a cow -- it doesn't matter if my biceps or lats are impressive. They still don't fit into a size 12 dress.

How do I know 215 is an unhealthy number for me? It has a lot to do with what I can and can't do for exercise. One of the things I enjoyed after I got below 200 is running, followed by dancing, and other moderate-impact sports. If I tried that today I would feel it in my back, knees, and ankles, and it sucks. However...

As I was bent over drying my hair today I looked down and noticed my awesome quads, and how they add a great shape to my legs. Those are the rewards.

A little about routine and gym partners )

In a nutshell, I put on some weight. Much of it was probably muscle, but since I've been eating recklessly it could also be blubber. My back hurts, I love my Wii, and 1986 was not a great year for exercise videos.

Now back to the job hunt. Things are looking good out there.
fatrockstar: (madmen)
I ordered my eyeglasses on Saturday. My current benefits end at the end of this month, so I am taking full advantage of them. It's about time -- I've been with this agency through three contracts and paid for benefits without using them until now, so I don't feel the least bit guilty about the optical and dental appointments I've made now that I have the time for them.

The glasses themselves, well, I was told to go to Costco ("they have the best prices!") but they don't accept insurance. I was given a few places, really, but settled on LensCrafters. They take insurance and have a slightly larger selection of frames. I picked the most flattering nerd-glasses I could find and called it good. All in all, I paid about $150. I hear that's decent.

The only sucky thing is that I have to wait ten days for them to be finished. At this point in time my eyes are so beaten up from the poor hardware at my last job that I can barely look at a screen for more than an hour at a time. This includes television screens, computer screens, DS screens, movie screens... they all create problems, and the $20 readers you get at the drugstore aren't weak enough for the adjustment I need. I will do what I can online in one-hour increments and keep my fingers crossed that the glasses get finished early.

+ + + + + + +

In other news, my car is almost inoperable. The brakes chirp because I need new ones, and recently my engine has begun threatening to overheat unless I turn the heater on full blast. The brakes issue is the easy part. The engine temp is a tougher one to figure out -- the radiator is full and there are no leaks to be found. All the automobile knowledge in my head is no help, and until my next job I am unable to take it to a shop.

Not being able to drive is not new. A couple of summers ago I rode my bike almost everywhere and saved a fortune in gas (it was about $4/gallon then). The new challenge is figuring out how to pay for the bus to get me to the major areas where biking the entire way isn't practical. ORCA cards aren't nearly as much of a money saver as good old bus passes were.

+ + + + + + +

I was denied mortgage assistance because I could not "provide enough evidence of financial hardship." In other words, because I had $200 left over after my monthly expenses and had not missed a mortgage payment even when un- and under-employed, I'm ineligible. This sucks. I pretty much destroyed my credit for no reason by applying for assistance at all, and now I have nothing to show for it. I feel I'm justified in being angry about this. I worked very hard and made a lot of sacrifices to stay current in my payments -- this is my reward for being an honest citizen and trying to do the right thing. I shouldn't have to commit fraud to get the help I need.

+ + + + + + +

Those glasses can't get here soon enough. Seriously, they can't. I'm dividing my time between catching up on housework, taking care of band business, and job-hunting, and two of those things will require use of my eyes at 100% capacity.

The good news is that I know I will find something a lot sooner than I did the last time I was job hunting, and it will pay enough for me to catch up with everything I fell behind in during my last job.

If any of you local job-hunters find something that looks like a good fit and ISN'T at Microsoft (I'm not eligible to work there again until late August at the earliest), please feel free to send it my way.
fatrockstar: (singer)
If you see me on Facebook you know by now that my record is right around the corner. I finished the long-overdue artwork, waded through the submission and review process, and am now out $400 that I may or may not ever see again. Of the 100 physical disks I ordered, I will probably actually sell 80 of them -- that alone will allow me to break even. I am hoping that the digital distribution package I also ordered will result in more sales.

It feels odd to think of my music in terms of sales. It feels odd and cheap. I never expected to become famous or make a lot of money doing this, but it sure would be nice to not lose my shirt.

Digital distribution is requiring me to set up a bunch of accounts at CDbaby and a service called DigStation. It is my understanding that everything will also be available on iTunes, but I haven't received any info on that yet. So many things to do, and all of it seems to be happening at once. I know it will be worth it in the long run. I hope the wide net will find new fans all over the place. It will give me reason to keep doing this.

There are only six songs on my record. I would have loved to include more, but my band's crucial players always had something that kept them from making that happen. Ed, aside from being really fucking difficult to get into the studio to record any of MY songs, went broke. Ron and I couldn't see eye to eye on the mixes for the longest time, AND his day job often put the project on the back burner. It was a long and stressful process. I'm happy it's finally done, but also disappointed. A dozen of the songs I have played in public and love but am thoroughly sick of won't reach a wider audience. They had to be sacrificed for newer material and cover tunes.

I think my new recording project is already being scribbled on napkins and post-it notes. Much of it will be new, and the rest will be just archiving -- I feel that there are a number of songs that have fallen off our set list that have some commercial value and still want to shop them around.

So much to do... I need to update MySpace, try to get Troublefakers.com into some kind of presentable form, figure out email, etc.

If you haven't been to a show, come to one. If you have, but it's been a while, come again. We hope to play Bumbershoot 2010 and the Seattle Rock n' Roll Marathon/Half Marathon this year. They should be fun.

Now I just need to pull my head out of my ass and just enjoy the ride and the scenery..
fatrockstar: (hello)
Grady has been more clingy than usual. Wait, that's a lie -- he's always clingy, he's just been more aggressive about it since I started working at the office again instead of from home. I have to beg him to eat. When he doesn't eat, he will beg me for whatever I'm eating. God forbid I have a tortilla chip in my hand, because if I'm not careful I'll pull back a stump.

This morning Grady was given some kibble and fresh water. He turned up his nose at it, then walked over to the sliding glass door to look outside. When I looked over at him a minute later he was licking it. A lot. Grady will also lick the refrigerator, the floor, and any condensation off a standing glass full of iced beverage. I have never seen him lick a window before.

I'm a little concerned at this behavior. Yes, Flea has given Grady quite a bit of stress with his presence alone, but as far as anyone can tell nothing has really become of it. I'm thinking another round of Feliway is in order soon if his odd behavior continues.

+ + + + + + + + + +

In other news, I am downloading the trial version of Microsoft's Songsmith software. There are too many songs in my head that can't wait for me to become a piano virtuoso. Don't let their cheezy infomercial put you off -- the program itself is actually pretty cool.
fatrockstar: (cookie monster)
I have been battling depression for a long time. It comes in waves and lasts for however long it lasts. Sometimes it's just a premenstrual funk, and other times it can take weeks to snap out of it. As I am emerging from this last episode, I feel I can write clearly enough for a public entry.

One of the worst aspects of major depression is the feeling that not only are you not doing anything right, you've also let everyone down. You let them down by doing or by not doing, or simply by being depressed at all. Every thought you have is of how the people you love are affected by your behavior, and you convince yourself that they are all either irritated at or disappointed in you. It can get overwhelming.

In my case I felt like a complete failure. My finances have been barely treading water, my band lost its last original member, I've been gaining back all the weight I lost... you get the idea. 2009 challenged me from all sides*. With the sense of failure comes a lot of guilt, and I have been beating the shit out of myself with it. Why? I guess at some point I told myself that pursuing my dreams, whatever they may be, is not something I can afford to sacrifice anything for.

That's kinda stupid. Sacrifices are what we make every day, with every choice. Why am I not allowed to sacrifice anything? What reward did I get for not making any sacrifices?

Oh, right -- I got depressed.

Recently I read something that made me realize I've been thinking too hard about certain things. The people I thought I had let down the most I hadn't really given a lot of credit to, and I apologize. I should have had more faith. Instead I kept to myself in an effort to spare feelings. I want wonderful things for them and always will. I also intend to keep all my promises, even if it takes me a while.

I have two resolutions for 2010. One is to finish every project I start. The other is to make a habit out of being happy, even if it means I have to stop second-guessing myself on everything. It's what I want for myself, and what the people who love me want for me, too.

I thought about screening comments, but decided not to.

*but did NOT suck as bad as 2008 did.
fatrockstar: (Default)
I am full of Mediterranean food and will probably smell like garlic for a few days.

I know it is unwise to stuff my face when I'm stressed, but I can't really do much else unless I drive somewhere. My ankle has been dodgy since PAX, and running on it is pretty uncomfortable. Did I mention my car isn't safe to drive right now? If it snows or gets icy, I'm stuck -- the tires are worn and my 4WD *still* needs repair from last Winter.

The Etsy store did/is doing better than I thought it would. I just need more inventory. Three more Holly Jolly Rogers went up this week, but they aren't selling as quickly. If you post my link (and many of you have THANK YOU) it would help me out.

just the Flash banner )

It's quiet here now. I've only been sitting here 20 minutes and I can feel the invisible grip on my guts loosen. You know, I really do want to relax and enjoy the season. It's hard to do so when the last umpteen years have made Christmas All About Buying, and this is the year you have no money. Having nothing to give makes it even harder to receive. There's a lot of wounded pride involved.

I am grateful that I can still write and create, and that all my game consoles still work (knock on wood).

I am grateful for the people who care about me.

I am grateful for Grady, whether he cares or not.

I am grateful for the magic blanket that keeps me warm at night.

I am grateful for my bandmates and playmates.

I'm trying to think positive here, people. Every little bit I can eke out gets me that much further from stress.

Sunday? No.

Wednesday, 9 December 2009 20:50
fatrockstar: (band)
Ethan asked me yesterday if I was up for a gig on Sunday. I said sure, the rest of his band said okay, and then he had to quickly throw together a rehearsal. He then said that it would be tonight, and late. Given the series of events that happened this afternoon I don't think I'll be at that show on Sunday. Around 4 he texted me that the garage door wouldn't shut and he had to leave. I called him right back and he was already on the freeway -- why he didn't call me when he realized it wouldn't close I have no idea. I thought I'd have to go home early to fix it, but Ken stepped in. He's one of those people who does the 6 - 3 shift, so he was available. Problem solved.

Ethan wouldn't open the garage if he didn't need something out of it. In this case it was his amplifier. I guess I won't be at any rehearsal. Not that I'm upset, but man... what is it about humans that makes communication so difficult? Grady is better at this than we are, and he speaks NO LANGUAGE KNOWN TO MAN. True facts.

Anyway, the door is fixed, I'm at home, and things are okay. If anyone is interested, Ethan will be playing the early show at The Skylark Cafe this Sunday. I'm not sure if I'll be performing with him or not.

In case you've been skimming )

Merry Whatever

Tuesday, 8 December 2009 19:50
fatrockstar: (Default)
This will be the third year in a row I have not bothered to put up a tree. I just never felt the need to once Garret left. I have a fake tree that I used to like a lot, but now that Grady is part of my life I can't really use it (he likes to chew on the lower branches and then barf 'em up).

One year I draped a green sheet over my easel and then tied my Pikachu stuffed toy to the top of it. Wrapped the whole thing with some lights and it was good.

I get more joy this time of year out of donating to charity than anything else, but nobody likes getting a card that says "I donated to charity in your name." That's one less piece of loot, dammit! Where's my Vuitton bag I asked for?

If you are enjoying your holidays, I salute you. It really is a nice time of year. People are nicer to each other, and there are things in stores that you can't get any other time of year -- I *love* those things!. I am just going to stay in my cave and watch y'all enjoy yourselves. It's better than getting trampled at the mall or embarrassing myself at a holiday party.


Tuesday, 3 November 2009 22:41
fatrockstar: (jokermartha)
I went home Monday feeling so queasy I could hardly function. It didn't help that my officemate was wearing a fragrance that made my nausea worse. He must wear it every day -- he was genuinely surprised I asked him what that smell was.

I originally thought "food poisoning," but that usually clears up after a purge. After the third trip to the bathroom I ruled that out. I must have a stomach bug. Today I worked from home.

I haven't eaten much over the last 48 hours. Saltines, some Sprite, maybe some Gatorade. Tonight I felt well enough to eat half of a turkey sandwich, and now it's sitting like a rock in my gut. Ugh. At least I'm not vomiting (knock on wood).

Grady has been by my side constantly during all this. He's such a good boy.

There's more stress-inducing crap that has made my recovery slow, but I won't go into it here. It's hard enough to focus on getting things uploaded to my Etsy store: wynnec.etsy.com

I should be back at the office on Wednesday. Should.
fatrockstar: (enVphone)
Money issues have motivated me to return to creative pursuits. I can't complain and probably shouldn't, because if there's anyone out there in a position to pay for handcrafted goods they will. The only thing I seem to be lacking are ideas. I don't want to do what everyone else does. It seems like everyone who works in clay makes dragons, fairies, or jewelry. I don't wear jewelry, so I'm not even considering going that route.

When something comes to mind, though, I run with it. The face below began as an impromptu face form in aluminum foil for mask-making. It's small, about 4" at longest, so any masks made from it will be teeny. If it proves useful I will make a larger one out of something other than scrap clay.

Other than that, I'm still looking for better or supplemental work. Don't laugh if I turn out to be your server at Denny's, okay? I work hard for the money (so hard for it honey) I work hard for the money so you better treat me right!



It's over!

Saturday, 26 September 2009 20:34
fatrockstar: (cookie monster)
I knew I would be stressed out by the rummage sale, and was not wrong. I barely made $100 -- the big ticket items sold, as did a lot of the old wedding stuff -- and ended cherry-picking from what was left to send to St. Vincent de Paul. I wasn't going to let go of it all, like some people did. One family had a LOT of really cool stuff, but when the sale was over just had the St. Vinnie's truck pull up to their spot and load everything up.

Now I'm at home, trying to chill out after a ridiculously long day. Friday was "Legs Day" at the gym, and the workout was brutal. I thought I was sore after the workout. I thought I was sore this morning. When I got home this afternoon my thighs were screaming so loud I could barely walk a straight line. So... I may have to do some adjusting.

I will sell a bunch of leftovers via CraigsList, and deal with the spammers that want me to either send my shit to Nigeria or donate it to charity. I feel like I'm okay to do that now. Much of what got sold were pieces of my past that had been lingering in the garage for way too long, acting like a magnet for all the other shit to stay, too.

Right now I am either going to medicate or vegetate. Or both. My legs are killing me.
fatrockstar: (cookie monster)
After my post declaring to the world I am not really divorced, I screwed up the courage to pay Garret a visit at his office. I took too long and missed him -- he is no longer in that office OR at the company, so my chance was lost.

I probably should have made contact a long time ago but didn't. Why would I want to? This is the guy who could have ended our marriage amicably and with very little fanfare like we'd both agreed to do, but decided to employ an ugly exit strategy instead. There wasn't anything pleasant I wanted to say to him and plenty of unpleasant things. Time is of the essence, though, so I sent an email.

I wrote that fucking email fifteen times. It went from ten paragraphs to ten words to ten sentences, until I finally put everything I wanted to say into about three and a half paragraphs: Sorry I missed you, we are not divorced, I cannot afford to re-file, please re-file in Lincoln County.

Have a nice life, good-bye.

I didn't expect to hear back from him, but I did a few hours later. Nothing lengthy or ugly. He sent acknowledgment of my request and let me know he had begun the process with the mediator last week. I don't have to worry about any fees, he'll take care of that. We have a mutual acquaintance that can relay any paperwork. It was extremely anticlimactic, but in a good way. I really didn't want to hear about what his life is like now, or read a mock-friendly tone in his reply. Facts are good. Simple is good.

Even though he's been gone long enough for me to get through my grief, I'm feeling the pain return a little. It's not about missing him, it's about being treated like I don't matter and taken away from a family I loved dearly. It's about the uncertainty and loneliness when you've made a commitment and the other person hasn't. I would rather put that behind me instead of be reminded of it, and now I'm wishing it had been done immediately instead of lazily. Considering the person in question, that's a lot to ask.

It will be over soon, though. That much I can look forward to.
fatrockstar: (Default)
Grady ate some wet food day before yesterday. It wasn't a lot, but it was enough. I'd had a rough day and was feeling down, and seeing him make that little bit of progress made me burst into tears.

He is eating kibble at a regular rate, though. Kibble and water. Lots of water. I know he's getting food during the day, which is good.

I really need him to eat on his own again. His feeding schedule is cutting into my sleep, and I haven't been able to get to work without driving for a while now. The lack of activity is affecting my mood, and I'm having a difficult time snapping out of it. I can't think or write without that little black raincloud hovering above. I got nitpicky with my manager over grammar in email yesterday, something I probably could have handled a little better. It does nothing to take out my poor mood on others except make me look like a jackass.

Lately I have felt pretty stifled online, so I have been offline more often. Facebook, Twitter, and LiveJournal will get little bits of me, but not the soul-baring essays on Things That Irritate Me or My Misadventures With Men & Cats like everyone is used to. I still like to write letters, and I've been doing a little more of that.

It helps that I'm still making progress on the sculptures I promised to those who donated to Grady's veterinary fund. There was a setback or two, but they were minor. Right now it's all about getting everything in place and baked. My biggest concern is survival in shipping. I have folks from all over the country I want to send these to, and my last sculpture didn't make it to its destination in one piece (that piece was a little more complex, but still -- I don't want any breakage)!

For now, there is work. I'm still figuring out what all this stuff has to do with the price of tea in China.
fatrockstar: (hello)
Why can't Grady just eat more on his own? He did fine until the Big Stress Event threw him into catorexia, with the occasional barfy moment thrown in, he was fine. Really, he was. Now he won't do anything but sit still and purr while the feeding tube is in, and afterwards reap the benefit of all those calories.

Last night he was in rare form, begging around for attention from me, Ethan, and Tristan. He did his signature Zoolander move where he hops up a little to rub his face on a corner, paws up. This wouldn't be a problem if he did it on the side of his face & neck that didn't have the tube sticking out of it. I'm horrified at the thought of him doing something to it, because it's hard enough to get him to sit still for dressing changes. To add to this, he's started to scratch at his neck with his hind foot. I spent most of the night losing sleep trying to keep him from doing this.

At 5 a.m. he went into scratch overdrive and I had had enough. "I'M NOT AWAKE ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH THIS" I complained, then scooped him up and bleary-eyed stomped to the bathroom to do something about it. As I was changing his dressing I noticed the tube had become twisted somehow. No wonder he was scratching so much. A new dressing was put on and we returned to bed. This morning for the first time in over a month I woke up and his paws were wrapped around my hand, with his head resting on it. I was so tired I almost cried. This is how we have woken up every day for over a year and a half, and I missed it when it stopped.

Today Grady gets another dose of his appetite stimulant. It poops out after two days, but I can only give it to him every three. He's almost back to his old self, though. Almost. He just needs to eat.

What the...?

Sunday, 2 August 2009 21:06
fatrockstar: (The Man in Black)
Something happened at some point over this weekend that has made my popup blockers useless. I will get random popups at random times from companies unrelated to whatever is on my screen. There's a very good chance that Facebook is the culprit. There was a quiz that didn't work properly on there, and when I navigated away from it that's when my problems began. As a result, I can't see my Facebook home page either, nor can I update my status there.

This irritates me to no end. Plus, it's still too hot to think straight. AND I just want Facebook to work and the popups to stop.

Recommendations for a free popup blocker, registry scanner, or virus protection that won't expire in 30 days are needed. I am running eTrust AntiVirus and have also run Search & Destroy, but neither have made a change in my situation.
fatrockstar: (hello)
Feedings have become calmer while dressing changes have become more stressful.

The twice-daily feedings are done with him in my lap, facing me, while I gently count to 60 aloud before plunging 5mL of slurry into his feeding tube. It takes about eight to ten of these counts for food, followed by one for the 10mL of water to flush it through. He's still not eating on his own despite having dry food available. I moved the bowl of kibble closer to him and he just kinda looked at it, thinking about it. At least he didn't gag. The mere appearance of an unopened can of gushyfud will illicit a gag response from him, so making wet food available is not an option.

Ethan's absence has provided Grady with a dry shower to hang out in. I have tried a few times to get him to sit on the sofa or the bed with me, but he isn't interested. When he gets to the sofa he escapes to the window sill, and then to the floor, and back to the shower. If I bring him to the bed at night, he'll stay there for a few minutes, but he's not lovey like he used to be. He will sit in cat loaf pose until he's had enough of that, then go back to the shower.

Slowly I am trying to re-acclimate him to other parts of the house. After two days of trying to get him to hang out anywhere other than the shower or under my bed he has finally settled for a few minutes in front of the open sliding glass door. I put him there.

Oh, wait -- I wrote too soon. He's on his way back to the shower now. Darn. He used to love sitting in the open sliding glass door, sniffing the outside and yowling from time to time. I was hoping that he would remember that, and I'd hear him talk to the backyard again. No such luck.

Ethan returns on Sunday night. This means I have a limited amount of time to draw Grady out of the shower and back to his old haunts.

I am inclined to believe that whatever Grady is going through is an advanced response to stress. A lot has happened in the last three months, and we all know that he's very finely tuned to me and my stress. I won't lie -- my stress has been gargantuan, and all at once. Grady's is a little different, because not only does he sense my stress, he also has Ethan, his 8-year-old son, and his bird to adjust to. Then there was looking for work, money woes, some personal drama, and some health issues I had to deal with. It's enough stress for a person. I can't imagine what it's like for a cat.

Donations keep coming in, and I am immensely grateful. The thank you gifts I've been constructing will most likely get baked this week and sent out to those who contributed. With the heat wave we had last week it was impossible to do anything but bitch and moan, much less turn on any heat or focus on a creative task. At one point I sat in front of my computer with my feet in a cooler full of ice covered by a towel. Oh man, did that feel good...

This weekend is all about Grady, making sure he eats and is reacquainted with the rest of the house. I'm doing some major cleaning while I have the house to myself. It's a Zen thing for me, not a chore. If I can't do it I get tetchy. Having a clean house is just a pleasant side-effect.

At hospital tonight

Wednesday, 22 July 2009 22:20
fatrockstar: (hello)
I took Grady in to his regular vet this morning, and was told that they didn't offer the procedures that he needed there. I was irritated. They knew what I was coming in for, why didn't they just steer me back to SVS? What they could do is get Grady prepared for the ultrasound, hook an IV up to him and get him rehydrated and tested to see if he'd be okay for the feeding tube and a possible biopsy. I had to leave him there. I also had to go all the way back home to retrieve his medication, since I forgot to bring it with me when I was collecting him for the trip. Too much driving.

I told the vet that I felt Grady had deteriorated since I took him into SVS on Sunday, that until then he seemed to be doing okay. I will always wonder if I made things worse just by taking him in to get help, knowing he's so terrified and stressed out by the clinic and all the other animals. They acknowledged that could happen, but didn't think that was the main issue. Of course not.

Thursday morning he will be picked up and brought to SVS by a friend, where I will meet them and be told how many of my internal organs I need to sell to make sure everything is covered. The donations make a huge difference. I am still stunned by people's generosity. Today my manager asked about Grady (I sent an email saying I'd be in late and why), and I showed him some of the videos I have on my phone. Before he left for the day he handed me an envelope "for Grady." His generosity caught me off-guard, but I am grateful nonetheless.

Prayers help, too. I'm lighting a candle and sending a few of my own. I know he's scared. If I could be there the entire time I would.

Clay )

I miss my little buddy and worry about him. I want him to be okay.
fatrockstar: (hello)
I've been offline in an effort to break away from the internet and work on my priorities. During that time I have been journaling on paper and focusing on work, music, and my interpersonal relationships. One very important interpersonal relationship is being tested right now, and that is with Grady.

Grady is the first cat I have had since I was 16 years old. He came into my life as a talkative, clingy, barfy cat, weathered two moves, several career challenges, a divorce, and at least one major health scare, and is now a quietly suffering bag of bones at the foot of my bed. Aside from the barf, he's been a good boy.

Sunday morning I picked Grady up to give him a scritch and he was noticeably lighter. His reluctance to eat has turned into refusal, something that started to show this last weekend. He was taken to the Seattle Veterinary Services hospital in Kirkland and remained there most of the day while they sedated him and drew fluids for testing. Diagnosis: Possible liver damage, but not fatty liver disease... yet.

The veterinarian recommended they keep him overnight, give him fluids and a feeding tube, do an ultrasound, have him examined by an internist... it started to add up. The visit alone already cost me $100 when I walked in the door. Sedation, fluids drawn, and tests run brought the grand total to $402.

Grady is at home now, resting as comfortably as he can after being force-fed an appetite stimulant and antibiotics. He is NOT happy with me AT ALL --if he only knew what the alternative was, I'm sure he'd come out from under the bed already.

His story doesn't end there, though. I need to take him back to evaluate the state of his liver and get proper treatment. The tests that were run today indicate he is at high risk to develop fatty liver disease unless he starts eating soon, but it hasn't gone that far yet.

I hate that my first post back after a short hiatus is a request, I really do. Times are tough for everyone right now. I wouldn't ask if I wasn't in need of the help. If you enjoy reading Grady's stories, have met him and think he's awesome, or just love cats in general, he would appreciate whatever you can spare.

As an extra incentive, anyone who donates $10 or more will receive a small thank you gift from the both of us, hand made by me. Just make sure I know where to send it in your PayPal comment or in a screened comment below if you do.

fatrockstar: (hello)
Grady hopped up on the dining room table again, this time to chew on a different piece of plastic. I guess this means he's feeling better. I put some tuna with juice on a plate tonight and he attempted to eat it. I guess I shouldn't have watched him so intently -- I may have hindered that progress.

Still stressed, still looking for work. At least now there are more bites than there were a month ago. I'm not on the short list of any manager's preferred candidates right now due to my limited experience. You'd think my 12 years in IT would speak for itself, but no. I'm trying to make a living and build a career while staying sane here. I'm told two out of three ain't bad, but in this case my money isn't worth much if I go off the deep end.