A Public Post

Thursday, 2 February 2017 23:45
fatrockstar: (Default)
I still get LiveJournal notifications. That's fine. I'm reluctant to go back, but all the friends I've made at LiveJournal are still there. I have at least one that refuses to create another social media account for any reason so I can count on them fading out of my life. I'm not going to make myself uncomfortable for one person, so I guess they'll miss out. Everybody has their comfort zone for these things. We all make ourselves vulnerable when we sign up for social media and we choose our platforms with that in mind.

I have accounts on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, WordPress, Google+, Etsy, ReverbNation, that one place that was supposed to be a lot like Facebook and required an invitation to sign up and was where everybody said they were going to migrate to but didn't, and MySpace. Half of those were created to promote the band, and the rest are just easier to use than the others. Privacy... well that's only relevant if I'm posting personal or sensitive information. Not all platforms can be LiveJournal. I don't post to any of them like I did to LiveJournal (not anymore anyway).

So if you're interested in what I have to say or know me from somewhere else and I trust you with my personal thoughts, reach out. Add/grant access. At this writing I am dealing with aging (but not feeling my age), my physical and mental health, and several different kinds of friendships. I could complain about my romantic relationship but he's a saint so that means I'm pretty sure any problems we have are mine. Maybe I'll complain anyway.

This post won't be cross-posted because I don't feel like it. I don't need to reach that many strangers online, and the friends that are truly concerned will contact me some other way. I think that's fair.
fatrockstar: (The Man in Black)
You are an idiot. Pull your head out of your ass and email your daughter. She is pregnant with your grandchild and wants to know that her daddy loves her and cares about her well-being. There are no "lessons" to be conveyed here. Nothing at all will be gained by sharing long-winded philosophical navel-gazing with her. She will simply think that you are a loony who cares only about himself.

Please, for all that is sacred, do the Christian thing and show your daughter some love and consideration. Our children inevitably disappoint us, but that does not make them unworthy of love and acceptance.

Oh, and Fuck You for being a pious asshole in the first place. "Intellectual Christian" my ass.

Read more... )
fatrockstar: (drama)
I like reconnecting with the people I'd lost track of over the years. Seeing how some of my classmates' lives turned out was interesting and in some cases amusing.

Less than a month ago I reached 200 friends there. I know all of them to some degree. The only exceptions would be my mother's college friend, who misses her as much as I do, and a couple of venues who created standard instead of business accounts for some reason. I do my fair share of ignoring, and have filtered my news feed of all the religious and political posters for all that's worth. Facebook will happily filter your news feed for you of the people you actually want to read at random. They have a nice little setting that will let you think you control it -- isn't that nice of them?

Lately several things have made me rethink my participation on Facebook. The first one is that my friend list is way too big. The second one is the recent announcement that all those privacy settings will soon become meaningless as Zuckerburg sells your information to advertisers. The third one has been getting under my skin for a while now, and is largely due to the growing friend list: Politics and religion.

At first I wasn't bugged too much. Some people are just really into Jesus, and I don't have a problem with that. Ignore, ignore, ignore. The "93% of my friends list won't repost this!" status updates I brushed off until a LOT of people were doing it. I started to feel harassed by it. More ignoring. When the political things started popping up I fought the urge to join in. Some of those groups were fine by me, but then over half my news feed started joining groups that contrasted sharply, and others got outright combative about them. One of my right-wing friends deleted his account, only to return a few weeks later with a whole new one under a modified name. His political views? "Hope you like your Oboma [sic] now." He deleted this new profile a little over a week ago. This is probably good.

I'd rather not deal with this. I keep my politics, religion, and personal details as far from the public eye as possible for a very good reason -- I have records to sell and shows to book. There are times I am looking for work, and the internet has become a major research tool for prospective employers. Why stir up shit for the sake of argument? Isn't that what politicians get paid for? Or lawyers? Anybody but me.

I'll keep my Facebook account alive for the sake of band promotion and those individuals that can only be reached there, but I'm backing off. Let's see if I can stay off FB for the month of May.
fatrockstar: (singer)
If you see me on Facebook you know by now that my record is right around the corner. I finished the long-overdue artwork, waded through the submission and review process, and am now out $400 that I may or may not ever see again. Of the 100 physical disks I ordered, I will probably actually sell 80 of them -- that alone will allow me to break even. I am hoping that the digital distribution package I also ordered will result in more sales.

It feels odd to think of my music in terms of sales. It feels odd and cheap. I never expected to become famous or make a lot of money doing this, but it sure would be nice to not lose my shirt.

Digital distribution is requiring me to set up a bunch of accounts at CDbaby and a service called DigStation. It is my understanding that everything will also be available on iTunes, but I haven't received any info on that yet. So many things to do, and all of it seems to be happening at once. I know it will be worth it in the long run. I hope the wide net will find new fans all over the place. It will give me reason to keep doing this.

There are only six songs on my record. I would have loved to include more, but my band's crucial players always had something that kept them from making that happen. Ed, aside from being really fucking difficult to get into the studio to record any of MY songs, went broke. Ron and I couldn't see eye to eye on the mixes for the longest time, AND his day job often put the project on the back burner. It was a long and stressful process. I'm happy it's finally done, but also disappointed. A dozen of the songs I have played in public and love but am thoroughly sick of won't reach a wider audience. They had to be sacrificed for newer material and cover tunes.

I think my new recording project is already being scribbled on napkins and post-it notes. Much of it will be new, and the rest will be just archiving -- I feel that there are a number of songs that have fallen off our set list that have some commercial value and still want to shop them around.

So much to do... I need to update MySpace, try to get Troublefakers.com into some kind of presentable form, figure out email, etc.

If you haven't been to a show, come to one. If you have, but it's been a while, come again. We hope to play Bumbershoot 2010 and the Seattle Rock n' Roll Marathon/Half Marathon this year. They should be fun.

Now I just need to pull my head out of my ass and just enjoy the ride and the scenery..
fatrockstar: (WTF?)
A couple of days ago my dad hit a patch of black ice on the way to work. His Ford F250 slid into a light pole and knocked it off its base. The light pole then fell on my dad's truck.

I read the email he sent today and went to his blog to get more details. He had a few scrapes and bruises but cut his hand deep enough to bleed all over his clothes and part of the interior. He says he's fine, that his insurance is going to total the truck, and with the check they cut him he will put a down payment on something called an Equinox. He then groused about having to take on a car payment again.

Me, this is my only living parent. I posted a secure status message on Facebook that he'd been in an accident and a couple of those people commented. When I told my dad, he got crabby with me. "Great - now everybody is going to call me and think I've been hurt worse than I really am." "Well, yeah, they're your family and they care about you." "I don't need you telling the internet my problems." "Dad, you already told the internet your problems -- YOU HAVE A BLOG." He then griped at me that it took so long to call after he sent me email about the whole thing.


Daddy is fine. At conversation's end he was making a pound cake to take to his office pot luck tomorrow. I guess that's better than "visiting hours are over, Ms. Blue."
fatrockstar: (happykid)
Hopefully this is the final Blast from the Past for a little bit. I told Jerry that I didn't really remember him that well and didn't consider myself to be his girlfriend. I also apologized -- the bit about "don't you remember you was my gf?" kinda threw me.

As it turns out, Jerry was in a horrible motorcycle accident after he and I parted ways. A car pulled out in front of him and his stepbrother in the summer of '86. Jerry died twice in the ER, but his stepbrother didn't survive. He also lost a foot. Damn.

The revelation that I didn't consider what we had "a relationship" seemed to disappoint him. Oh well. That's kind of what 23 years will do to one's memory. I may hear from him again or I may not.

This would not be the first time someone from the distant past was more emotionally involved than I was aware of. I can remember meeting one guy on a double date, necking, and the next day he called me to tell me he was in love with me. I guess small town boys fall harder and faster. That would explain a lot, actually.
fatrockstar: (happykid)
I told him I barely remember him, but Jerry seems to think I was his girlfriend. If he thinks this, all the apologies in the world won't atone for me saying "sorry, I don't really remember you that well." Well, I remember him vaguely at best. We were kids in a place I would rather forget altogether.

In other news, my ex and his co-conspirator are now both on Facebook. I would never have known if a) Facebook had not suggested one of them to me, and b) someone in my circle of friends hadn't friended Garret. As a result, I really don't want to do too much there anymore. I thought I was ready to make some kind of peace in the form of a phone call or something, but now I'm not so sure.

The divorce... I really don't know what is going on there. I asked nicely if he'd take care of it like he was supposed to to begin with, and he said he was already on it. I haven't heard from him since -- so much for that. No court record in our state has our names on it except the original petition. Believe me, I'm as confused and frustrated over this situation as anyone else. I have done my homework and have found my hands tied.

In more pleasant news, I got paid. Now it is time to get my damn certifications and get on with it.
fatrockstar: (happykid)
In 1985 (I'm guessing here, but I know these events were in the year before I left Alabama in 1986) I hung out with some shady characters. It was a small town and there wasn't much to do aside from cruising up and down the mile-and-a-half stretch of road down the center of town known as "Main Street" and hang out at the Jr. Food Mart to play pinball.

I briefly dated an homely but sweet guy named Charlie. Charlie was a loser-with-a-heart-of-gold type, always in trouble with the teacher and smoking weed. It was Charlie and his sister that took me to see ZZ Top in Birmingham that year. There was so much pot smoke in that arena that when he asked me what time it was I ended up pouring my drink in his lap as I showed him my watch. As much as we liked each other it just wasn't going to work, so we parted ways.

A month or so later I was at the Jr. Food Mart and met Jerry. Jerry and Charlie were friends. Jerry was the loser-redneck type, but hardly had a heart of gold. He was charming, smoked cigarettes and rode a motorcycle. He also pressured me for sex, which was something I wasn't about to do. "But Charlie said you did it with him!" This was a lie. Whose lie it was I may never know, but I gave him the 1985 equivalent of "oh HALE naw" and ended it. He hung around a bit trying to get back in good favor with me, gave me a necklace, things like that, but I was done. He had crossed the line by assuming I was a whore.

Shortly after this I left Alabama to live with my Dad in Washington, and Jerry was barely a blip in my memory. It was a short-lived romance anyway. No feelings involved, just a motorcycle and small-town adolescent stupidity.

Twenty years later he found me on Classmates.com. I never saw the message he sent because the site is a scam and I wasn't curious enough to pursue it. Now it's twenty-FIVE years later -- guess where he found me? Where everyone else from that era of my life did: FaceBook. I got an email and a friend request. The email says "I have something I want to tell you -- don't worry, it's a good thing." The friend request says "I would love to chat with you." Maybe it's harmless, but I am squicked out.

Part of me does not want to encourage this guy after his treatment of me when we were teenagers. The other part knows how much people can change over 25 years.

What would YOU do?

Some days...

Tuesday, 17 November 2009 14:48
fatrockstar: (happykid)
...I just sing a pointless phrase to myself over and over to keep my brain occupied and amuse myself. The most recent phrase? "Big ol' butt, big ol' butt, big ol' butt, big ol' big ol' butt-butt."

Yeah, I am a grown-up. I also have a college degree and don't do drugs. much. lately.

I'm burning out on Facebook. The only things I like to do are Vampire Wars and Bejeweled Blitz, and one is becoming too hard while the other is becoming too easy. I also get tired of the insta-response to my status updates by phone or text. I'm trying to start a dialog here, just comment on the status and join the fray -- I promise, whatever I wrote is NOT a cry for help.

The wind picked up last night enough to make the power at my house flicker a bit. My computer was on at the time, and I lost a bunch of PhotoShop work I was going to upload to Etsy today.

Grady has a Twitter account now. So far he's not terribly interesting. I think his tweets are deceptively intelligent for how big a doof he is: twitter.com/gradybrownblue
fatrockstar: (Default)
Grady ate some wet food day before yesterday. It wasn't a lot, but it was enough. I'd had a rough day and was feeling down, and seeing him make that little bit of progress made me burst into tears.

He is eating kibble at a regular rate, though. Kibble and water. Lots of water. I know he's getting food during the day, which is good.

I really need him to eat on his own again. His feeding schedule is cutting into my sleep, and I haven't been able to get to work without driving for a while now. The lack of activity is affecting my mood, and I'm having a difficult time snapping out of it. I can't think or write without that little black raincloud hovering above. I got nitpicky with my manager over grammar in email yesterday, something I probably could have handled a little better. It does nothing to take out my poor mood on others except make me look like a jackass.

Lately I have felt pretty stifled online, so I have been offline more often. Facebook, Twitter, and LiveJournal will get little bits of me, but not the soul-baring essays on Things That Irritate Me or My Misadventures With Men & Cats like everyone is used to. I still like to write letters, and I've been doing a little more of that.

It helps that I'm still making progress on the sculptures I promised to those who donated to Grady's veterinary fund. There was a setback or two, but they were minor. Right now it's all about getting everything in place and baked. My biggest concern is survival in shipping. I have folks from all over the country I want to send these to, and my last sculpture didn't make it to its destination in one piece (that piece was a little more complex, but still -- I don't want any breakage)!

For now, there is work. I'm still figuring out what all this stuff has to do with the price of tea in China.

What the...?

Sunday, 2 August 2009 21:06
fatrockstar: (The Man in Black)
Something happened at some point over this weekend that has made my popup blockers useless. I will get random popups at random times from companies unrelated to whatever is on my screen. There's a very good chance that Facebook is the culprit. There was a quiz that didn't work properly on there, and when I navigated away from it that's when my problems began. As a result, I can't see my Facebook home page either, nor can I update my status there.

This irritates me to no end. Plus, it's still too hot to think straight. AND I just want Facebook to work and the popups to stop.

Recommendations for a free popup blocker, registry scanner, or virus protection that won't expire in 30 days are needed. I am running eTrust AntiVirus and have also run Search & Destroy, but neither have made a change in my situation.
fatrockstar: (band)

Unlike the show at Laughing Ladies Cafe in Shoreline, this is both of us with our separate bands playing our rock/pop sets.

I've been struggling with Facebook's events app since last night trying to get invitations without success. Other invites work properly -- frustrating! If you're on FB, do a search or click this link and invite yourself: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/event.php?eid=113164596954
fatrockstar: (singer)
After sleeping for 36 hours, I felt pretty good. Then I went out and made myself feel bad again. I'm taking it easy today in preparation of tonight's show, because all that's left is an annoying cough that some hot liquids will probably take care of. I do feel a lot better than I did day before yesterday. I was so beat up I would stop speaking mid-sentence and just stare into space.

Sadly, Troublefaker Barbie will not be ready by tonight. All the time I had budgeted for her this week was sucked up by this cold. She will be available for raffle at a future show.

may 14 2009 at the Mars Bar

I'm fine. I seem to be addicted to the Tiger Woods red Gatorade.

Oh, and if you're over on Facebook you need to start playing Bejeweled Blitz. With me. Now.

I thought about editing it or putting it behind a cut, but... nah.

Facebook again

Wednesday, 8 April 2009 13:58
fatrockstar: (Default)
Every day I login to Facebook these days I'm horribly disappointed. Quizzes and memes went over there and pooped all over the place, making Zuckerburg's baby a dull place to visit. I have been spending most of my FB time in Pathwords, frustrating the shit out myself trying to get somewhere - anywhere - close to [livejournal.com profile] skipbreakfast's high score.

In the meantime, LiveJournal has become a quiet in comparison. This is a little sad. I can't get to know people with memes and top 5 lists. I already have Twitter for status updates. I try to see the positive in the whole thing by thinking "hey, at least all those things are on Facebook and not on LJ." I am not fond of memes and quizzes. If the results are particularly hilarious, I'll post a result, but online quizzes are like stick figures -- anyone can make one, but one that is interesting enough to spend time on takes talent not regularly found on the internet.

So... what's going on here... no job means no meds, I'm still looking for work, PMS has sucked all the motivation out of me, I rode my bike yesterday, and I hit the 90% mark in LEGO Batman last night.

If one more person flakes out on me for something I'm trying to sell on Craigslist, I am giving up. fucking seattlites...
fatrockstar: (singer)
I managed to send an invitation to all 116 of my friends to a show I just booked because I created it through my personal profile instead of as "Wynne C Blue." This was hard enough before, but now they tell you to do it through a tab, that you probably don't already have on your artist page because they didn't give it to you, so you have to add it, and then -- only then -- does it make any sense. I deleted my first try and redid it. Ugh.

I have embarrassed myself via Facebook. At least it wasn't with an incriminating photo.